Even though Lady Gaga makes (according to her) a mean meatball (though, you would never tell with that waistline…) Nonna no like.
Why, you ask?
Nonna: SHE NAKIE ALL THE TIME.
Although fiance Chris is bawling his eyes out because Nonna hates his idol (no lie…he has a bigger crush on lady gaga than pretty much anyone I know), Nonna has sufficient justification for her dislike.
Nonna: This woman come on the stage and she shakin her boobies and she make people stare at her but people never see her face. If you gonna show your boobies you gonna show you face. Be proud on yourself. She hide because she know her mother no like her boobies.
Me: Its a statement. Not embarrassment.
Nonna: You know who this girl remind me of?
Nonna: No. I don’t remember Madonna being nakie (what!?). She remind me on Cher. Remember that woman?
Me: Yes. I sorta see what you are saying.
Nonna: That woman walkin around with this (points to vagina) everywhere. I surprise she no pregnant.
Me: I mean…just because its out, doesn’t mean something is going in.
Nonna: All this sex drive me nuts.
Me: Probably because you are jealous.
(Nonna hysterically laughed for a straight minute)
Nonna: You probably right I think.
Me: Well I like Lady Gaga…
Nonna: I figure. Tell me one thing…why she come in on that show in the crazy egg?
Me: (no possible way to explain this to her…) I dont know.
Nonna: She come out of the egg and people go crazy. But, she no better than me…when I make the egg people go crazy.
Me: Good one.
After a few minutes…with timing only Jesus himself could create…the news runs this clip:
Nonna: SEE! (laughing so hard) YOU SEE! WHEN YOU WEAR BOOTS AND NO CLOTHES YOU FALL DOWN. GOD PUNISH ON YOU. YOU WEAR CLOTHES NEXT TIME YOU SING.
Then…Jennifer Hudson appeared on DWTS with a short dress.
Nonna: Disgraziata. These women come on my house. I will fix on there ass.
This reminds me of the time my grandmother altered a dress of mine in high school without my consent…I had recently developed breasts and wished to wear a semi-low cut dress to a dance. Nonna felt this dress was too low cut and cut off the bottom of my dress and made the top go straight across. Not only did she ruin my chances of dancing with a senior…she ruined my new dress.
As I write this story…I’m becoming increasingly anxious about her doing the alterations on my wedding gown…