What happens in Vegan…

While I think the title of this blog entry would be a great name for a blog (don’t steal it)…it  is actually referring to my new lifestyle choice.

Yes. I am a Vega-talian. And Gluten Free. And totally pissing Nonna off.

While I give kudos to Kris Carr (www.crazysexylife.com) for inspiring me to take a plunge into a never-ending pile of spinach, kale, bok choy, and all things nuts (that’s what she said), Nonna is becoming increasingly confused/concerned and annoyed. I am on day 3.

When I announced that my diet would now be free of all animal products, Nonna appeared disconcerned:

Me: Nonna, from now on…no animal products.

Nonna: Ok. So what you eat?

Me: Vegetables. Nuts. Fruit. Things like that.

Nonna: You eat pasta?

Me: Not regular pasta, for a little while I am trying pasta with no gluten.

Nonna: Oh ok. I think I see over aldi.

Me: Ok that was easier than I thought.

Nonna: Honey. If it make you feel good doing whatever you want.

I walked upstairs shocked, even a little disappointed.  I was hoping for a quality reaction.

The next morning I walked downstairs to the glorious smell of coffee.

Nonna: Honey you want milk in you coffee?

Me: No, I told you no coffee and milk is an animal product, so no milk.

Nonna: WHAT?

Me: Yea, dairy is from an animal…

Nonna: So you telling me no milk?

Me: No.

Nonna: Then why I buy this thing on milk?

Me: I don’t know, I’m sorry.

Nonna: And why no coffee?

Me: Because I am trying to treat myself better…

Nonna: So you say no to my beautiful coffee??

Me: Yes.

Nonna spits at me…

When I emerge from the shower, Nonna asks me if I want eggs for breakfast. Now this is getting out of hand…

Me: Nonna, where do eggs come from?

Nonna: The ass-o the chicken.

Me: Right. So can I have eggs?

Nonna: To me. Yes.

Me: No, they are animal products. So no.

Nonna: Ok. I understand. You eat vegetale only.

Me: Pretty much yes.

Nonna: Can you Salt?

Me: Yes.

Nonna: Can you eat olive oil?

Me: Yes.

Nonna: Can you eat rice?

Me: Yes.

Nonna: Can you eat hamburg?

Me: No.

Nonna: Can you eat chechere (chick peas)

Me: Yes.

Nonna: Ok. I go shopping and remember this.

Today, I came home after the first outdoor run of the season (glorious!) to find Nonna making corned beef and cabbage…WHICH I HATE.

Nonna: I make corned beef and cabbage.

Me: 1) corned beef is not vegan. 2) I hate corned beef.

Nonna: Ok. I eat for you. I also making stromboli. Only vegetale.

Me: Nonna, that is really nice of you, but I am staying away from flour.

Nonna: I only use a little flour. Only one pound.

I mean…how do you respond to that?

Nonna: And only vegetale!

Me: Did you use eggs?

Nonna: No.

Me: Butter?

Nonna: Only a little.

Me: Did you use cheese?

Nonna: Yes.

Me: I can’t eat cheese either.

Nonna: WHAT. NO CHEESE. HOW YOU GONNA BE ITALIAN WITH NO CHEESE.

Me: Nonna, I’m italian because of my decedents, not because of my love affair with cheese.

Nonna: How you gonna eat no cheese for the rest on your life?

Me: I’ll take it one day at a time nonna…

Nonna: Honey. Maybe you want to change your mind?

Me: Nope.

Nonna: Fine. I save all this food for Chris and he gonna eat it in front of you.

Me: You are really supportive.

Nonna spits at me again. Then hugs me.

Nonna: You crazy but I love you number one.

Me: That’s funny…cause you told me you liked Michael best yesterday.

Nonna: That’s true. I like you number two. My Michael eats everything I make on him.

Sigh….

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