While I think the title of this blog entry would be a great name for a blog (don’t steal it)…it is actually referring to my new lifestyle choice.
Yes. I am a Vega-talian. And Gluten Free. And totally pissing Nonna off.
While I give kudos to Kris Carr (www.crazysexylife.com) for inspiring me to take a plunge into a never-ending pile of spinach, kale, bok choy, and all things nuts (that’s what she said), Nonna is becoming increasingly confused/concerned and annoyed. I am on day 3.
When I announced that my diet would now be free of all animal products, Nonna appeared disconcerned:
Me: Nonna, from now on…no animal products.
Nonna: Ok. So what you eat?
Me: Vegetables. Nuts. Fruit. Things like that.
Nonna: You eat pasta?
Me: Not regular pasta, for a little while I am trying pasta with no gluten.
Nonna: Oh ok. I think I see over aldi.
Me: Ok that was easier than I thought.
Nonna: Honey. If it make you feel good doing whatever you want.
I walked upstairs shocked, even a little disappointed. I was hoping for a quality reaction.
The next morning I walked downstairs to the glorious smell of coffee.
Nonna: Honey you want milk in you coffee?
Me: No, I told you no coffee and milk is an animal product, so no milk.
Me: Yea, dairy is from an animal…
Nonna: So you telling me no milk?
Nonna: Then why I buy this thing on milk?
Me: I don’t know, I’m sorry.
Nonna: And why no coffee?
Me: Because I am trying to treat myself better…
Nonna: So you say no to my beautiful coffee??
Nonna spits at me…
When I emerge from the shower, Nonna asks me if I want eggs for breakfast. Now this is getting out of hand…
Me: Nonna, where do eggs come from?
Nonna: The ass-o the chicken.
Me: Right. So can I have eggs?
Nonna: To me. Yes.
Me: No, they are animal products. So no.
Nonna: Ok. I understand. You eat vegetale only.
Me: Pretty much yes.
Nonna: Can you Salt?
Nonna: Can you eat olive oil?
Nonna: Can you eat rice?
Nonna: Can you eat hamburg?
Nonna: Can you eat chechere (chick peas)
Nonna: Ok. I go shopping and remember this.
Today, I came home after the first outdoor run of the season (glorious!) to find Nonna making corned beef and cabbage…WHICH I HATE.
Nonna: I make corned beef and cabbage.
Me: 1) corned beef is not vegan. 2) I hate corned beef.
Nonna: Ok. I eat for you. I also making stromboli. Only vegetale.
Me: Nonna, that is really nice of you, but I am staying away from flour.
Nonna: I only use a little flour. Only one pound.
I mean…how do you respond to that?
Nonna: And only vegetale!
Me: Did you use eggs?
Nonna: Only a little.
Me: Did you use cheese?
Me: I can’t eat cheese either.
Nonna: WHAT. NO CHEESE. HOW YOU GONNA BE ITALIAN WITH NO CHEESE.
Me: Nonna, I’m italian because of my decedents, not because of my love affair with cheese.
Nonna: How you gonna eat no cheese for the rest on your life?
Me: I’ll take it one day at a time nonna…
Nonna: Honey. Maybe you want to change your mind?
Nonna: Fine. I save all this food for Chris and he gonna eat it in front of you.
Me: You are really supportive.
Nonna spits at me again. Then hugs me.
Nonna: You crazy but I love you number one.
Me: That’s funny…cause you told me you liked Michael best yesterday.
Nonna: That’s true. I like you number two. My Michael eats everything I make on him.