Which Came First: The Onion or The Cough?

First of all, I have been THE WORST at blogging recently…I hope I still have readers…sheesh.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I came home to this weird concoction sitting on the microwave.  It looked like carmelized onions, so I asked if that is what they were…

Nonna: No, don you know its my cough syrup.

Me: Excuse me?

Nonna: I puttin onion and honey together and drink all winter. My friend told me to do these things so I don need a flu shot.

Me: You need a flu shot.

Nonna: No is not if I drinkin this thing. But, I go get one so you don get sick.

Me: Ok…but that is so gross. Where do you store it?

Nonna: Anywhere.

Me: Like, you keep it…in the pantry?

Nonna: In the pantry. The Fridge. Then I drink when I get sick.

Me: And what happens when the onion sprouts?

Nonna: I gettin a new one.

Seriously, the thing looks so gross. And it smells so weird.  Onion and honey is NOT a combination in a Top Chef kitchen.

A couple days later, the weather turned and I went to get the slippers that made their way under the night table.  When I pulled out my slippers I noticed a cup had also made its way under the nightstand.  I was not alarmed as I am an admitted cup hoarder (love my glass of water before bed).  However, when I pulled out the cup…there was AN ONION inside…

Alarmed, and knowing I don’t typically bring onions in my room, I confronted the culprit hesitantly…

Me: Nonna…I found an onion in a cup in my room.

Nonna: So?

Me: I didn’t put it there…

Nonna: I know.

Me: Did you?

Nonna: Maybe.

Me: Why would you put an onion next to my bed?

Nonna: So you no get sick all winter.

Me: What?

Nonna: My friend tellin me you put an onion in your room and you don’t get sick all winter.

Me: Is this the same friend that told you to drink onion honey instead of getting a flu shot?

Nonna: Yes.

Me: And you believe this?

Nonna: She no get sick all winter last year.

Me: Neither did I…

Nonna: How you do it?

Me: Green tea and exercise.

Nonna: I thinkin you got sick one time.

Me: I mean, I had a cold.

Nonna: See, my friend no have no cold either.

Me: So the onion will prevent this?

Nonna: I think so. We gonna try.

Me: You are still getting your flu shot?

Nonna: Maybe.

(Side note: she got her flu shot…phew).

A few days ago, Nonna woke up with a cold. While most people might be sympathetic to her infirmity, I laughed in her face.

Me: Onion?

Nonna: Shut the hell up. I gonna drink my syrup again.

Me: How about Tylenol?

Nonna: I gonna try.

Me: Ok…we’ll see.

Sure as hell, her cold has progressed to a cough…and, after my constant nagging, she has scheduled a doctors appointment and dove into my Advil stash.  But, that hasn’t stopped her from trying to get me sick. On three occasions in the last few days she attempted to lick my spoon or fork.  Her reason: I gonna see if the onion in your room doing its job…

The second my throat starts to feel scratchy I am making her eat the onion under my bed raw.


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