Seriously, there is no excuse for my failure to blog what has been seriously unbelievable Nonna happenings. I will be trying desperately over the next week to makeup for lost time…I literally have been scribbling furious notes to account for all this…
To kick off the craziness…I will share the following….
This week is Nonna’s 75th Birthday!!!!!
To mark this momentous occasion…Nonna (drum roll please)….
Made her funeral arrangements… (insert screeching sound effect here).
Yes, friends…Nonna is prepared to meet the roomie. Last week, I came home and Nonna was sitting at the kitchen table cracking up…when she is like this, its usually a sign she is up to no good…I cautiously approach her and ask what is wrong?
Me: Why are you laughing?
Nonna: Don you know I gonna be 75.
Me: Yes, next week.
Nonna: So, I celebrate today.
Nonna: I goin to your uncles.
Me: Oh that is nice..did you have fun?
Nonna: Yes it is. I had a nice cup of coffee and makin my arrangements.
(Side Note: My uncle is a funeral director).
Me: What arrangements?
Nonna: For when I die. (hysterical laughter)
Nonna: I decide I like to know whats going to happen, so I pickin everything out. I gettin a bronze casket, I teling your uncle what I want to wear and what rosary beads I likein. My viewing is from six to nine. My church going to do the mass. Your poppy’s friend gonna sing for me. I tellin your uncle the songs. And, then I go home. I gonna say to your grandfather…move over I come to noy you.
Me: Noy him?
Nonna: Noy…like what I do on you.
Nonna: You sayin not me. “Nonna you noy me.”
Nonna: You say your way I say mine.
Me: Fair enough.
Nonna: I hope you available.
Me: For what?
Nonna: My funeral?
Me: No, I’m busy.
Nonna: Good idea. What you have going on.
Me: I’ll be renting a dumpster to get rid of your shit.
Nonna: (hysterical laughter, then she gives me a standing ovation) Good! I glad someone is like me…
Me: How is that like you? You still have pop-pop’s clothes in the attic and he died 35 years ago.
Nonna: (hysterical laughter) I no able to trow it out. Your grandfather appear on front of my eyes and saying, save my clothes.
Me: If you appear in front of my eyes and tell me to save anything I will say “screw you.”
Nonna: I gonna do it too. Then I gonna come in when you no like.
Me: What is that supposed to me.
Nonna: Your husband no gonna like when I come in either.
Me: This has got to be a joke.
Nonna: No joke…I gonna do it…I seein your ass your whole life…I gonna see when Im dead too.
Some people are afraid of ghosts haunting them in their sleep…I’m now afraid of mine haunting me in the shower…