Day 313: Nonzilla

Planning a wedding is tough business.

It is even harder when you live with a woman who expects you to take every piece of advice on planning a wedding…and/or refuses to speak to you when you disagree or alter her idea…

For example: italian confetti. (Almonds).

If you have ever been to an italian wedding you are familiar with the fact that every guest gets a little bag filled with white almonds. They taste horrible…except to fiancee chris who thinks they are delish..

Since I got engaged, Nonna has mentioned the need to have almonds at my wedding about once a week. I am not opposed to the idea, I just wanted to fill the bags with almonds and m&ms or something. When I suggested this…she cried. “You take all the pleasure away from me…”

Almonds it is.

This leads me to my next point of contention… wedding favors.

I like wedding favors. I think they are cute/thoughtful if they are well done. I especially appreciate edible ones (shoutout to lauren m’s awesome cookies)…Nonna LOVES wedding favors. In fact…she collects them. In a drawer in our house she has every wedding favor from every wedding she has been too. These gifts range from lenox salt and pepper shakers to personalized shot glasses. One day, she brought out her “collection” and instructed me on the dos and donts of favoring your guests.

Do: buy something from lenox as these are “high class” gifts.

Don’t: buy anything you can drink alcohol from. “Disgust”

Do: personalize your gifts with gaudy gold font. “People remember you for ever”

Don’t: give to charity. “Poor people don have nothing to do with it.”

Do: buy your favors from brooklyn…as they apparently sell the best italian favors.

Don’t buy anything edible…”People eat at the wedding all night…”

Don’t disagree with her…when I told her I wanted to do a sweets table with mini baseball hats they sell in stadiums she told me not to invite her to my wedding.

Sorry Chris.

I have no doubt this will lead to future fights…

Anyway: nonna’s number one wedding gripe of the week: Chelsea Clinton. This whole week nonna has been complaining about how much cc’s wedding costs as if she were the M.O.B. Non reached her breaking point when she learned there was going to be a fireworks display.

She then turned to me and said:
(Dad and those under 17 are prohibited from reading further…)

“you have a hole like chelsea and chris have a wee wee like the other guy…so…you have fireworks there.”

Nice non…reaaaaaal nice.

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