I think everyone can agree that nothing sucks more than hearing these four words: “I told you so.” These four little words sound even worse in broken english (and it technically becomes a six word phrase: You Nonna is a always right.)
It is well known by all who know me that I am nothing short of a walking disaster at all time. My law-school roommates can truly attest that law school has only exacerbated my scatterbrained affect – as my old roommate Lizzie says – I am the most unorganized organized person she has ever met. While every object in my life has a place or a file, I often walk out of the house carrying fifty bags…this obviously leads me to forget important things, or worse drop/lose them. More often than not it takes me five minutes longer to walk anywhere or do anything because I just fail to stop and take three minutes to figure out what I need. (I guess in my head its better to get a head start and finish last?)
Anyway, I always thought this issue would resolve itself when I became a working woman…unfortunately, it has only gotten worse.
Since I started work Nonna always tells me I need to put spare clothes and spare shoes in the trunk of my car because “you never knowin when you needin this things.” I always pay her lip service and never ever listen. Well, I have now proven her right on two occasions – the first of which was when I wore one black shoe and one brown shoe to work. The second was when I forgot my suit jacket and was wearing my uggs, without a change of shoes, when I needed to be in court at 9am. Well…now you can imagine the predicament I was in when I was wearing suit pants, a silk shell, my trench coat and uggs. If I had taken four minutes to assure I had these belongings before I left the house, I would not have had to venture out to find cheap shoes at 7:45 am (thank you Walmart who I hate with a burning passion but appreciate that you are open at 7:45 with $15 shoes…treat your employees better thanks. Also special thanks to Elissa for finding a black cardigan so I didn’t look like a whore….)
Had I taken those four minutes, I also could have avoided the following conversation when I got home.
Nonna: Tell me, did you forget your suit jacka?
Me: Uh yes.
Nonna: (HYENA HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)
Me: Yea, I’m an idiot.
Nonna: This is why you gonna listen on me…you gonna put clothes in your car.
Me: And shoes.
Nonna: You forgettin your shoes to?
Nonna: (More Hysterical Laughter) I gonna tell on you, you is stoopid sometimes.
Me: I know.
Nonna: I mean, who is a smarter than your Nonna.
Me: No one.
Nonna: Its true. Everywhere I go, I have a pants, a shirt, shoes, underwear in my trunk.
Me: Don’t forget Jesus, he’s in there too.
Nonna: Don make fun on me, I no the one who forgetting everything.
Me: True. Sorry.
Nonna: And I gonna tell you another thing. You gonna make sure you listen to me all the time.
Me: Ok non.
Nonna: I am always right.
Me: I know.
Nonna: Do you hear me?
Me: Yes I hear you.
Nonna: No more telling me to be quiet. I am always right about everything.
Nonna: I tellin you what to do and you gonna listen.
Nonna: So when I tellin you to do something the right way, you gonna listen to me.
Me: I GET IT.
Nonna: Tell me, how it feel to have no shoes and no jacket?
Me: (ignores her)
Nonna: HEY! I talkin on you.
Me: Oh? Sorry I was watching spanish television.
Nonna: I sayin, how you feel today?
Me: Uh…appreciative that Walmart opens at 7am.
Nonna: And you no say how lucky you are to have a nonna like me?
Me: Everyday of my life.
Nonna: Good…now you gonna stay here for the rest of your life.
Me: (quietly) That is frightening.
Me: (in my Nonna impersonation voice) Nothing, you are the most beautiful woman on my life.
Lesson learned: Take five minutes to figure out what I need…save 15 minute lecture from my crazy pants roommate.