Day 216: Ms. Always Right.

I think everyone can agree that nothing sucks more than hearing these four words: “I told you so.”  These four little words sound even worse in broken english (and it technically becomes a six word phrase: You Nonna is a always right.)

It is well known by all who know me that I am nothing short of a walking disaster at all time.  My law-school roommates can truly attest that law school has only exacerbated my scatterbrained affect – as my old roommate Lizzie says – I am the most unorganized organized person she has ever met.  While every object in my life has a place or a file, I often walk out of the house carrying fifty bags…this obviously leads me to forget important things, or worse drop/lose them.  More often than not it takes me five minutes longer to walk anywhere or do anything because I just fail to stop and take three minutes to figure out what I need.  (I guess in my head its better to get a head start and finish last?)

Anyway, I always thought this issue would resolve itself when I became a working woman…unfortunately, it has only gotten worse.

Since I started work Nonna always tells me I need to put spare clothes and spare shoes in the trunk of my car because “you never knowin when you needin this things.”  I always pay her lip service and never ever listen.  Well, I have now proven her right on two occasions – the first of which was when I wore one black shoe and one brown shoe to work.  The second was when I forgot my suit jacket and was wearing my uggs, without a change of shoes, when I needed to be in court at 9am.  Well…now you can imagine the predicament I was in when I was wearing suit pants, a silk shell, my trench coat and uggs.  If I had taken four minutes to assure I had these belongings before I left the house, I would not have had to venture out to find cheap shoes at 7:45 am (thank you Walmart who I hate with a burning passion but appreciate that you are open at 7:45 with $15 shoes…treat your employees better thanks. Also special thanks to Elissa for finding a black cardigan so I didn’t look like a whore….)

Had I taken those four minutes, I also could have avoided the following conversation when I got home.

Nonna: Tell me, did you forget your suit jacka?

Me: Uh yes.

Nonna: (HYENA HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)

Me: Yea, I’m an idiot.

Nonna: This is why you gonna listen on me…you gonna put clothes in your car.

Me: And shoes.

Nonna: You forgettin your shoes to?

Me: Yes.

Nonna: (More Hysterical Laughter) I gonna tell on you, you is stoopid sometimes.

Me: I know.

Nonna: I mean, who is a smarter than your Nonna.

Me: No one.

Nonna: Its true.  Everywhere I go, I have a pants, a shirt, shoes, underwear in my trunk.

Me: Don’t forget Jesus, he’s in there too.

Nonna: Don make fun on me, I no the one who forgetting everything.

Me: True. Sorry.

Nonna: And I gonna tell you another thing.  You gonna make sure you listen to me all the time.

Me: Ok non.

Nonna: I am always right.

Me: I know.

Nonna: Do you hear me?

Me: Yes I hear you.

Nonna: No more telling me to be quiet. I am always right about everything.

Me: Ok.

Nonna: I tellin you what to do and you gonna listen.

Me: Ok.

Nonna: So when I tellin you to do something the right way, you gonna listen to me.

Me: I GET IT.

Nonna: Good.

(silence)

Nonna: Tell me, how it feel to have no shoes and no jacket?

Me: (ignores her)

Nonna: HEY! I talkin on you.

Me: Oh? Sorry I was watching spanish television.

Nonna: I sayin, how you feel today?

Me: Uh…appreciative that Walmart opens at 7am.

Nonna: And you no say how lucky you are to have a nonna like me?

Me: Everyday of my life.

Nonna: Good…now you gonna stay here for the rest of your life.

Me: (quietly) That is frightening.

Nonna: Wha?

Me: (in my Nonna impersonation voice) Nothing, you are the most beautiful woman on my life.

Lesson learned: Take five minutes to figure out what I need…save 15 minute lecture from my crazy pants roommate.

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