So, this is nothing new: Nonna is amazing at everything.
But lately, her “I can do everything” attitude is a bit concerning…
For example, she’s becoming competitive with me. Two weeks ago she asked me to make chili because she heard (correctly) that I make excellent chili. I was honored, thrilled even, at the thought of making chili for Nonna. So I made chili, fresh biscuits from scratch and salad and served it to Nonna with pride. She sat down, ate it, then told me it was “noting special…ba pretty good.” Two days later…she made her own chili. Then, after eating it…she exclaimed “this chili is so good, I makin this one, two three.”
This “I can cook anything” mentality has extended to her criticism of the food network, food magazines and cook books. My boyfriend and I were paging through the food network magazine, and I commented on a few recipes that I wanted to make. After overhearing this conversation Nonna said “I never on my life use a cook book or recipe. These people on the tv I can cook better than all of them. What is the big deal, you cookin garlic, onion, pepper and you know how to make everything.” First of all…that’s a lie…she uses a recipe to make her pizzelles (HA – I outed you Nonna!) and second of all…I’d like to see her take on an iron chef. Not that Nonna’s cooking isn’t phenom…but Morimoto can make sushi….
Now, cooking isn’t the only thing she is good at. In her mind she is good at: electrical work, plumbing, carpentry, accounting, singing, community service, bargain hunting, manipulation (whoops…) cleaning and of course, her new career, bridal alterations.
As you may or may not know, Nonna is now a career seamstress (stay tuned for her upcoming partnership with my friend Tricia…they are designing scarves and ponchos). And she is apparently the most gifted seamstress in all of the world. Everyday she informs me of how many articles of clothing she saved from imminent doom or better yet, how wonderful her latest bridal alteration is. (As a side note, she does try on every single veil she gets for alterations…its getting a bit awkward…) She informs me, without fail, that she is the most valuable seamstress the dry cleaners have (she is the only one). She also informs me that they would go out of business if it wasn’t for her. All true I am sure…but this all leads up to the greatest irony of late:
My little sister is graduating high school this year…which means, you guessed it – prom time. My sister designed a dress and, with the excitement only a seventeen year old could have, presented her design for Nonna to bring to life. Nonna’s response: I no do this. It’s too complicate.
So, ladies and gents…apparently Nonna is no good at prom dress construction.
Nor is she good at billing her dry cleaner. Recently, I found her “receipt” for her work…this is what is listed (i tried to take a picture but it wouldn’t show):
Uno pans ham
Translation: One pant hem, one gown, two sleeves, zipper, four buttons, leather jacket.
Needless to say, I now write out her billing.
One final note…Nonna is NOT good at following instructions. Recently, I had to again remind her that I do not need her to wake me up in the morning. Particularly in the creepy way she does so – she opens the door, stares at me for one minute and then says, “you uuuuup?” I reminded her that 1) I am always awake I just enjoy my quiet time in the morning and 2) It’s creepy. She told me she understood and then continued to do the same thing. I finally told her this morning that she interrupts my morning prayers. Her response: “Oh I come join on you in the morning….”
It’s a lose/lose situation.