After spending 24 hours straight locked up in a house with Nonna (and gaining a solid 5 lbs since friday…)…Nonna got a little fresh with me…(ok, its not really that shocking…).
Warning: This Blog Post is NC-17.
Nonna: You ever watchin Dr. Oz?
Me: From Oprah?
Nonna: Yes. He havin his own show now.
Me: Oh I didn’t know that.
Nonna: They talk about everything…
Me: Doesn’t he just talk about sex?
Nonna: Yes seem like it. But I think its a funny show.
Nonna: You ever wonder what the normal size penis is?
Nonna: Four and One Half-a inches.
Nonna: That’s-a Small!
Me: Nonna, you have only seen one penis in your life how would you know?!
Nonna: I know it…all the people lookin shocked on tv.
Nonna: Then, this woman gettin up and she say, Dr. Oz, when I havin sex I (nonna makes a fart noise)
Me: (laughing so hard I can’t breathe)
Nonna: Dr. Oz sayin its normal. Sometimes air escapin.
Me: Oh. My. God.
Nonna: But you imagin…
Me: (literally can’t stop laughing)
Nonna: And then they speakin about how long it supposed to take.
Me: How long what is supposed to take?
Nonna: Sex. Dr. Oz say takin your time, relax, enjoyin it and some of the women say, hurry up! finish because they don’t like it.
Me: And what are your thoughts.
Nonna: Somewhere in the middle…one two three is no good, but its no good to takin for ever. I have thingin to doin.
Me: Well, I am glad you are educating yourself.
Nonna: I could say everything on that show…I mean, Dr. Oz say what is better the long penis or the fat penis.
Me: Nonna, seriously…
Nonna: I say, both! But Dr. Oz sayin it don’t matter at all.
Nonna: One day you gonna say my nonna she knowin everything.
Me: Right now I think you know too much.
Nonna: Fifth grade three times.
Happy Super Bowl Sunday!