Day 180: I hate you Dr. Oz…

After spending 24 hours straight locked up in a house with Nonna (and gaining a solid 5 lbs since friday…)…Nonna got a little fresh with me…(ok, its not really that shocking…).

Warning: This Blog Post is NC-17.

Nonna: You ever watchin Dr. Oz?

Me: From Oprah?

Nonna: Yes. He havin his own show now.

Me: Oh I didn’t know that.

Nonna: They talk about everything…

Me: Doesn’t he just talk about sex?

Nonna: Yes seem like it. But I think its a funny show.

Me: Why?

Nonna: You ever wonder what the normal size penis is?

Me: Um…

Nonna: Four and One Half-a inches.

Me: Alright.

Nonna: That’s-a Small!

Me: Nonna, you have only seen one penis in your life how would you know?!

Nonna: I know it…all the people lookin shocked on tv.

Me: Ok…

Nonna: Then, this woman gettin up and she say, Dr. Oz, when I havin sex I (nonna makes a fart noise)

Me: (laughing so hard I can’t breathe)

Nonna: Dr. Oz sayin its normal. Sometimes air escapin.

Me: Oh. My. God.

Nonna: But you imagin…

Me: (literally can’t stop laughing)

Nonna: And then they speakin about how long it supposed to take.

Me: How long what is supposed to take?

Nonna: Sex. Dr. Oz say takin your time, relax, enjoyin it and some of the women say, hurry up! finish because they don’t like it.

Me: And what are your thoughts.

Nonna: Somewhere in the middle…one two three is no good, but its no good to takin for ever.  I have thingin to doin.

Me: Well, I am glad you are educating yourself.

Nonna: I could say everything on that show…I mean, Dr. Oz say what is better the long penis or the fat penis.

Me: Nonna, seriously…

Nonna: I say, both! But Dr. Oz sayin it don’t matter at all.

Me: Wow.

Nonna: One day you gonna say my nonna she knowin everything.

Me: Right now I think you know too much.

Nonna: Fifth grade three times.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!


2 thoughts on “Day 180: I hate you Dr. Oz…

  1. Aubrey says:

    hahahaha!!!!! fifth grade three times is RIGHT! nonna does know everything. and i also wish i was there to hear her day “long penis or fat penis”

    love love love it

  2. trish says:

    LOLOL. god i miss her. i wish she were the one to give me the “sex talk” growing up…

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