I come home from work today and Nonna is wearing sunglasses and sitting on her recliner.
Me: Why are you wearing sunglasses?
Nonna: Cause I feel like it.
Me: Ok…did you miss me? (I went to vegas for the weekend – my friend was in the Miss America pageant – yay shannon!).
Me: Fine then I wont give you your present.
Nonna: So, I don’t care.
Me: Oh you are a diva?
Nonna: I don know what that is but I think I am.
(few minutes later, me, non and lil sista lauren are sitting around the table)
Nonna: You watchin the award yesterday? (note: sunglasses are still on)
Me: The grammy’s?
Nonna: Yes. You know fiancee win 6 awards.
Nonna: Fiance, Diance what is her name?
Me/Lil immo: Beyonce?
Nonna: Yea! She win a lot of award. And that other girl win album of the year.
Me: Taylor Swift.
Nonna: Yes. Who is the girl who hang from the ceiling?
Nonna: Why was she naked?
Me: She wasn’t naked.
Nonna: Yes it is. I see.
Me: No it was like a nude bodysuit…
Nonna: Oh. (pause) I no like it.
While this is all going on, we’re watching the Bachelor. If you ever want to really laugh, you need to watch the bachelor with Nonna. She hates it – but she can’t stop watching it (I can relate…but I secretly love it). Now, if you don’t watch the Bach you can stop reading now (or just skip to the bottom for my side note)…
Nonna: These girls are crazy. I no like them at all.
Me: I know.
Nonna: Who is the crazy vienna?
Me: I don’t know…the crazy girl?
Nonna: She is stoopid.
Me: I know.
Nonna: I thnk I like the virgin.
Me: Yea…she’s nice.
Nonna: I like virgins…
Me: Mary was one.
Nonna: Me too.
Me: No you are not.
Nonna: Yes it is.
Me: I’m not getting into this debate again.
Nonna: H-ok no problem.
Me: You don’t actually believe you’re a virgin again do you?
Nonna: No. But, I wishin I was. Too much work.
Me: If you were…you wouldn’t have me!
Nonna: Good, then I don have to cookin and cleanin and doin laundry and cry.
Me: But you would be bored.
Nonna: No I would be a good nun.
Me: I love you.
Nonna: I love you too.
Side note: Today in the mail…I got an invitation to join AARP for the low price of $16 a year. I ran downstairs to show Nonna and she says “I so happy you becoming more like me everyday.”