Nonna treats department stores like flea markets: She goes in, spends at least three hours “browsing”, narrows in on what she wants and then haggles the price.
Like all 70 + women, Nonna’s favorite department store to do this in is JCPenney’s.
Today, I came home and Nonna was incredibly excited.
Nonna: Honeydew, your Nonna is a good shopper.
Me: Oh yea?
Nonna: Let me tell you what I do. My friend givin me three suits. They no fit me, but two of them have the tags. They is h-old h-old. Today I go on JCPenney and I bringin the suits and say to the guy…you can given me my money back? These suits don fit and I forget to bringin them over here. The man say, lady they don even sell these suits here anymore. So I say, please givin me a favor, they don fit, I don know what I gonna doin. So the guy says he gonna give me $19.99 for the suits. I say, hohhh no sir, you gonna tell me these beautiful suits are twenty dollars? No that is not right. So you know what he did, he given me thirty dollars each for the suits! (laughing). So then I go and I get navy blue suit pants for you. I say to the man, you gonna give me a discount for these things? The guy sayin, they are already 30% off. And I say, oh come on, you can givin me better? Then he give me another ten dollar off. (laughs) I tellin him I gonna report him and maybe he get a promotion.
Me: I can’t believe this.
Nonna: I no done yet. So then I want this sweater to treat myself. I go to a different woman and I get this sweater and I askin her, can you givin me a discount? the lady say no and I say, I comin over here all the time and there are all these coupons everywhere and there is nothing you can do to help on me? I am a hold lady. So then she lookin around and says, “h-okay, h-okay I help on you.” and she giving me twenty percent off. So, I got sixty dollars for the suit, and I buy you suit pants and a beautiful sweater for me and I still have money back.
Me: Good job.
Nonna: I’m tellin you. You no have to be afraid, you say, give me a discount and they say h-okay.
Me: No its because you don’t speak english. If i said it I would not get what you get.
Nonna: Its true, I am good at what I do. You gonna come with me and I showin you one day.
Let me make this clear: I have gone shopping with her…and it is actually the most embarrassing experience ever. These are her tactics: Find the least busy person, start crying, mention she is a senior citizen, mention she is buying this for her granddaughter and she can’t afford to spend the extra five dollars (…so she lies), bring expired coupons and pretend she did not notice they were expired, cry when they tell her it is expired, ask the salesperson to give them their discount, cry when they say no, tell the salesperson she shops there all the time but she won’t come back if they treat her like this.
But, amazingly, no one EVER gets angry with her. In fact, people LOVE her. The salespeople give her unbelievable discounts and probably count it as their “good deed” for the day…They all tell her she is a beautiful person and nine times out of ten she knows their life story and gives them a hug goodbye after she walks away with a major discount (she has gotten pants for like $3). I gotta give it to her…she’s got talent.
I really should give her my Christmas list…