I must apologize for my delay in posting this, I know you all have been waiting with bated breath for this posting. And I must say, this was probably the most hilarious “Chicken Day” of my life…
I get up, go down stairs for some coffee and find Nonna pacing the kitchen…
Nonna: I think something happened to your sister. At 1:00 in the morning the sign I makin for your sister fell down. I woke up and say, Brittany she fall down. I can’t sleep all night.
Me: That doesn’t even make sense.
Nonna: You thinkin your sister is h-okay?
Nonna: H-okay I going to church to pray for your sister. Happy Chicken Day.
Me: You too…
Side Note: For as long as I can remember Nonna calls Thanksgiving “Chicken Day” She thinks it is hilarious, no one else does.
11:15 – 1:15:
Nonna called literally every person in her address book (including all her friends in Italy who – may I remind you – don’t celebrate Thanksgiving) and left the following message:
Nonna: Haaaallo. I am a callin you to wishin you a happy chicken day. I hope you have a beautiful day and I call you next week. H-okay bye.
We all head over to my aunt and uncle’s house to celebrate my favorite holiday…I mean, any holiday where all you do is eat is pretty awesome in my book ;)…naturally, during dinner (as we had new company this year) the conversation turns to Nonna. We pretty much were informing our new guests about Nonna’s antics when all of a sudden…a story I have never heard came up…
Aunt Jacks: Listen everybody, we are talking about a woman who threw a burning couch out a window.
Me: Excuse me…
Nonna: One time, your uncle light a couch on fire. I panic and screamin and then, I trow the couch out the window.
Me: You threw a couch…that was on fire…out of the window?
After dinner, dessert, wine and naps…one of the guests started rapping. No like actually rapping. From what I gather he is an aspiring rapper; he goes by the name “Major Gunns.” We were all fairly entertained by this (obviously) but Nonna was slightly more amused than most…and apparently inspired.
After a family viewing of “Bee Movie” (“How’d you get home?…Poodle.”), my sister, boyfriend and I returned home to find Nonna waiting in anticipation for our return (she was obviously too cool to watch Bee Movie, that and she needed to return home to prepare leftovers such as turkey noodle soup and turkey salad, no lie she had already made both by our return).
Nonna: What you call that music the kid was singing?
Nonna: Yeah. I can doin it.
Me: You can rap.
Nonna: (In a rap beat, think nursery school cadence with sicilian attitude)
“I woke up this morning and I went to church
I went to my son Joe’s house to make a cup of coffee
I drink my coffee then I said goodbye and then I went home.”
Me/Boyfriend/Sister: (hysterical laughter)
Nonna: I gonna talk like this all the time.
Me: Please don’t.
Nonna: (rapping) Yes. it. is.
For the rest of the night, everytime Nonna spoke she rapped. Now, when Non “raps” she stomps her feet at you and points her fingers at you, it’s almost like she is placing a curse or spell on you.
Nonna: I gonna make it real good and doin it for everyone at Christmas.
After we all settled down a bit, Nonna put on her royal purple pimp nightgown (very appropriate as she is a rap goddess) and we put on “Elf”
The next morning I asked Nonna how she liked Elf.
Nonna: Oh I like it. My favorite part was the end when the stupid guy gettin the baby.
Me: He’s not stupid, he was just an elf.
Nonna: Oh…I thought the guy was a retarded (she’s so politically correct)
Me: Non, first of all…you can’t call people retarded, second of all…he wasn’t retarded.
Nonna: You ruin the movie for me. I thinkin its about (thinking about word choice) the people who is slow.
Me: Of course you did…
If only Nonna put her worldly views to rap music…she’d be the female eminem.
Side Note: While Nonna is super hilarious…it is the season of “thanks”…so I wanted to take the opportunity to thank all my readers for reading and sharing my adventures…You certainly help put the cool back in living with grandparents (if there ever was such a thing…)
Preview: ITS CHRISTMAS SEASON! Which means Nonna’s house is a nativity scene…stay tuned for some excellent stories from Christmas Past…and of course, Christmas present 🙂