Nonna has a new habit of cooking food and then saying…”in one half-a hour I makin the most delicious dinner”
I said, “who are you…rachel ray?
Nonna: Who is rachel ray?
Me: The annoying woman (no offense ray ray..i liked you until I discovered you repeat recipes in your cookbooks) on at 10am.
Nonna: Oh she is stooopid.
Me: I know, but she became famous for making dinner in thirty minutes.
Nonna: So? Wha is the big deal? She special for cooking dinner? If they let me on tv I show them everything.
This reminded me of a conversation Nonna and I had a few weeks ago…
Me: Non, What would you teach on your show if you had one?
Nonna: I teachin chicken parmesean, meat-a-balls, pasta with peas, braciole, sausage and peppers, pizza, stromboli, cookies, pizzelle…everything I know I teachin everyone.
What is that you ask? Nonna’s version of a “casserole”
I came home yesterday to Nonna excitedly telling me she “makin me on casserole for dinner.” I was excited…”a casserole? I don’t think you ever made me a casserole before.”
I sit down to dinner and nonna pulled the above out and I looked at the pan and thought to myself…what. the. f*ck.
Me: Non, this is not a casserole. A casserole is like…all chopped up. This looks like baked chicken, string beans and chedder cheese.
Non: Yes it is…a casserole.
Me: No its not.
Non: How you makin a casserole?
Me: Non, how can you make a casserole and not even know what one is.
Non: I make it up.
Me: Non, you cant just make up a recipe and call it a casserole…
Non: I can do whatever I want…
(of course she can)
Non: So how you makin a casserole.
Me: I will get you a recipe.
Non: I don need your shitty recipe. You eatin my casserole. It is delicious.
(it was pretty good…)
After dinner, I noticed above the toaster over the following:
Me: Non, why do you have the top of a pineapple in a bowl?
Non: Its so beautiful, it is decoration.
Me: Please tell me you are not keeping the top of a pineapple as “decoration.”
Non: Yes it is, why I gonna throw out beautiful things.
Me: Because it is a BUNCH OF LEAVES.
Non: Screw you. Screw on you. Wha you want…roses?
Me: No I want you to put trash where it belongs.
Non: In your room. You shitty thing.
Note/Warning: Thanksgiving is upon us…which means, the return of the middle sister. My middle sister, Brittany, is my younger, crasser, funnier and altogether cooler counterpart. I am contemplating allowing her blog about living with Nonna for a few days. Nonna has agreed to make Britt a sign to welcome her home, these are the phrases she is considering:
“Welcome Home and thank you for being here.”
“Welcome Home and Congratulations for Being Drunk”
“Welcome Home, I am proud when you come home.”
“Welcome Home, I don know what you do but I love on you”
Stay tuned 😉