Day 99: Secret to a Long, Healthy, Life…

Friends…I have received Nonna’s great secret to a long, healthy life:

No Drinkin, Do Druggin, No Smokin and No Sex…

(Pausing for your obvious reaction).

Me: Nonna, what do you mean no sex?

Nonna: I don know sex is…how you say, stressful.

Me: To most people sex is stress relief…how is sex stressful to you?

Nonna:  When you married, its a job. You gotta doin it all the time.

Me: Ok…but how is that stressful?

Nonna: Because its all this rig-um-and rolling (no english translation available) for what?

Me: (actually dying of laughter) Man, I would hate to be your wife.

Nonna: I no say I was bad at it.

(I actually fell on the floor at this point)

Nonna: You gonna see. When you married your husband wants to (insert groaning noise which sounds like a man being kicked in the groin here) and you want to sleepin.

Me: I see the problem.

Nonna: When you want to sleep and they want to (sticks up pointer finger) you gonna say…Nonna you was the number one smart woman.

…Nonna…I say that every day of my life.

As a side note: One of my best friends was cast as an injured trauma victim on the NBC show “Trauma” (you can find her face as the still screen here when I told Nonna about this Nonna said “Hey, how she get in that screen can I doin it? I think they gonna pay me a lot of money”

Any talent agents out there looking for a 4’11” Sicilian woman?


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