I have officially joined the quarter century club…
How better to celebrate it than a day with the Non-ster? Work was closed for election day (so naturally I worked from my “home office” all day…)…so I actually got to spend the whole day with the crazy lady.
The Night Before My Birthday:
Non: What time you wakin up tomorrow?
Me: Im sleeping in.
Non: No its not. You got things to do.
Me: Its my birthday.
Non: So…its just another day.
Me: No, I am sleeping in until at least 8:30 a.m.
Non: We see…
Day of My Birthday
(loud banging noises)
Me: What the…(roll over, look at alarm, see its 8:30, get out of bed…walk to Nonna’s room where I find her banging her foot against the side of the bed and with the sheets up to her eyes).
Non: You up.
Non: Good now I can go to pee.
Me: Why couldn’t you pee before?
Non: Because you gonna get angry with me if i waken you up.
Me: When have you ever woken me up going to the bathroom?
Non: I don havin no idea.
Me: Well, whatever, you could have woken me up…its 8:30.
Non: (hysterically laughing) No its not, I trick on you…I make your clocks stay one hour ahead.
Me: You are hilarious. Thanks. How come you haven’t said happy birthday to me?
Non: Because its not your birthday. 25 years ago you was like this (insert diving motion here). I don’t know if you were facin up or down but I think you was like this (insert diving motion again). So I no sayin happy birthday until 11:30 am
Non: Oh and another thing. I no makin you eggs. I don feel like it.
(I head downstairs to make myself pancakes)
Non: Why you no makin me coffee?
Me: Cause you make the coffee
Non: You off, you supposed to treat on me.
Me: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!
Non: Oh you thinkin you a principessa today?
Me: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!
Non: H-okay I makin you coffee.
(Nonna walks away and comes out with presents)
Non: Here you presents.
Non: Now I gonna tellin you how much I save. (watches me open) The jacket I get for $20 because the people is stupid. I say, give me $20 off and they say, ok. Because the lining was wrong. So i fix it and you never know and the stupid people gave me $20 off. (present #2) The sweaters I gettin you 30% off, good deal – so cute! (present #3) and I give you money from everything I save so you don’t thinkin I am cheap.
Pretty sweet deal…
So I got myself some birthday sushi. Yum. Nonna, upon seeing my sushi, asks if she could try some. Naturally I let her…
Non: How you eatin this thing?
Me: Dip it in the soy sauce and put it in your mouth.
Non: (eats sushi) I don get the biggin deal. Rice and fish? They no even cookin. Everybody go crazy.
Me: It just tastes good.
Non: To you. To me, its like the fish in italy. No different. But you wastin your money on this for what. I make it for you one day.
Me: Nonna, you cannot make me sushi
Non: Yes it is. I catchin the fish, chop off its head and give it to you with rice. Brown rice because you watchin yuo figure.
So nonna invites everyone over for dinner and tells me she is making pot roast, potatoes and pasta…
Nonna: What kind of potatoes you want, roast or mashed?
(Nonna makes roasted potatoes)
Me: How come I didn’t get mashed potatoes?
Non: I no feel like it. I makin you whatever I feel like…I inviting you for dinner. What kind of cake you like?
(Nonna makes an apple cake…which she made last week…so now i have had apple cake for 9 straight days)
Me: Where is my birthday cake?
Non: I makin you h-apple cake.
Me: For my birthday?
Non: I feel like it…
(Side Story: The apple cake recipe is from Nonna’s new favorite cook book: the 1979 Ewing Township Policewives Association Cookbook. In Nonna’s words: This is the best cookbook on my life.)
Non: Honey, I going to bed because I no rest today. Happy Birthday.
Me: Ok Non, goodnight.
Non: I glad you come out like this 25 years ago (diving motion, then swimming). You was fat. I lovin you.
Love you too non 😉