Nonna is like clockwork.
Approximately 3-7 days after her birthday or any major holiday, Nonna finds someway to guilt us for our failure, one way or another, to honor her.
Here are some highlights.
#1: My sister’s birthday card: My sister is a senior in college, obviously if she’s not hungover she’s drunk (we’ve all been there…), thus, remembering to buy a birthday card, or stamps to send a birthday card is somewhat difficult. After a friend of Nonna’s asked where my sister’s card was, Nonna went uptairs, got my sister’s card from last year and put it on the mantel. “I don want nobody thinkin your sister don love me. Even though I knowin she forget about me.” Classic.
#2: Electric Frying Pans: So we got Nonna the electric frying pan she was dying for. Except, it wasn’t the one she was dying for. The one we got her was “too big.” So she returned it and went to “Walkmart” to get the one she wanted. When she came home, she showed me the new electric frying pan (which I still think is stupid) and then yelled at me: “Why you no listen to me in the first place. I tole you go to Walkmart and get me the little fyring pan for $39.99. Now you people don listen and I have to go get it myself. No one lovin me.” I told her I hated Walkmart and refused to go. Nonna told me “I hatin shoppin a Shop-a-rite instead of the dollar store but I do for you.” Valid point Nonna…valid point.
#3: Speaking of Shop-a-rite….Nonna got pretty much $250 worth of giftcards to ShopRite for her birthday. What is more hilarious than her receiving grocery gift cards for her birthday is the fact that she complains that no one bought her the toilet paper and paper towels she asked for. Everyday sincer her birthday she tells me “For Christmas you gonna get me what I askin for….how much I gonna spend at Shop-a-rite?” Well, I can tell you how much she spent, because she went three times this week and came home telling me “It looka like I’m rich. I gonna buy filet mignon because I can.” Can’t win.
#4: Flowers and candles…Of all the gifts my grandmother got, her favorites are the flowers my boyfriend sent her (always has to show us up) and the yankee candle pumpkin spice diffuser her friend Norma got her (Note: I just like that Nonna hangs with a lady named Norma). Every morning this week I wake up, go get in the shower, come out and find Nonna smelling one or the other. Then she looks at me and says “at least they love me.” At least she will have her electric frying pan long after the flowers die…
As a final note, Nonna got some giftcards to JcPenney. She told me she was going shopping for my birthday with them. “I gonna buyin you some sweater dresses. It lookin so cute!” It’s the gift that keeps on giving.