Adding to our list of technology issues: the digital cable pandemic.
Last week Comcast thought it would be a good idea to stop access of certain channels until you get your digital cable box. Nonna, in a panic as the season finale of her telenovella is “any minute” (sense the urgency) starts explaining to me in rapid Italian what is wrong with the tv. After staring at her blankly for a few moments she says “I only have three channels.”
(Selfishly, I thought of the potential inability of access to Bravo and the Food Network…)
Nonna: Honey you gonna do something.
Me: What do you want me to do?
Nonna: You gonna make them give me my show back.
Me: Non, we just need to get a digital cable box.
Nonna: CHE COSE FA LE BOX (What is this thing the box?)
Me: Its a box…remember like a long time ago you used to have a box to get cable…now you need a new box.
Nonna: I have it..
Me: Where is it?
(Exit Nonna….rummaging, rummaging…Enter Nonna with 1990’s cable box)
Me: no thats not what you need.
Nonna: Ok I save.
Me: Why are you going to save an old cable box.
Nonna: Just in case they go back to the old way.
Me: You are just making piles of shit for us to go through when you die.
Nonna: Yes it is…you gonna think of me for a long time.
This brings me to a point I have alluded to before…Nonna’s inability to throw anything away. I mean ANYTHING. I caught her yesterday trying to cut the mold off of some strawberries. The woman is an animal for saving. For example, last month I helped her clean out her garage (mainly so my stuff fit in there) and this is what I found:
1) 1970’s crib, stroller, rocking chair and high chair. I asked nonna when she was going to use this, she said for my children. My kids aren’t living past six months with death traps like those.
2) 14 cabbage patch dolls. I saved one, and went to throw away the rest. Nonna came out of no where like a ninja demanding that I save them. For what, i asked? Your children. My children now have spider egg filled cabbage patch dolls to play with in their death trap cribs.
3) 6 pieces of luggage, three of which had holes. For what? When I travel. Nonna…how are your things going to get there with holes? Her answer: I duck tape it.
4) The world’s first type-writer. Why do you have this, I asked. Nonna: I love to look at it. Me: Do you know how to use it? Nonna: I no even speak english, how am i supposed to write. Me: Do you know its broken? Nonna: go to hell. I love it.
5) A box full of EVERY SINGLE piece of art my sisters, cousins and I have made (and attempted to throw away). We’re not talking cute kindergarden art here…we are talking middle-school-i-had-to-do-this-to-pass art. (Throw back to the home-ec sewing pillows LHS grads…side note: Tricia if you are reading this, you better have had thrown yours out too.) When I exclaimed that I thought I threw this out…Nonna said..you gonna show you children.
So, what did I learn: My kids will visit Nonna, play with disgusting cabbage patch dolls, admire my 7th grade reject art, travel with fine luggage and then be suddenly killed by the recalled nursery furniture my Nonna insisted on keeping.