Day 38: Battle Internet

Well, friends…you can blame Nonna for my blogging gap.

On Monday night…and unexpected (and horrible) event occurred:  the internet I had been “borrowing” from my neighbors dissapeared.  Not only did this prevent me from completing work into the wee hours of the morning (my body is thanking my neighbors) but it has prevented me from communicating my stories of the crazy woman.

After two days of seeing “no wireless connections found” I approached Nonna about the idea of getting the internet in her house.  Before I tell you the story, I must inform you that until 6 months ago Nonna had the weirdest cable set up known to man.  Not only did she not have digital cable, but she had a cable setup so archaeic that the cable guy actually had no idea how to fix it and install digital cable wires.  So, needless to say, she is not up and up on the cable…which means no tivo/internet for me…yuck.

Anyway, back to the original story:

Me: Non, I  think we need to get internet.

Non: WHA?! You crazy?!

Me: No why…

Non: You no install the devil in my house.

Me:  The internet is not the devil.

Non: Yes it is.  You look at the computer like dummy and no one speak. You he-mail and no talk on the phone.  I no have that shitty thing in my house. You crazy.

Me: Non, I’ll install it and pay for it.  You won’t even know it’s here.

Non: NO IS NOT! You no install anything in my house.  You thinkin I no notice…but i will see the wires.

Me: It’s wireless.

Non: Wha’s it mean…wireless?

Me: Like your remote…no cables around the house, just one connected to your cable box.

Non: No, then you ruin my cable.  My show is almost over.

Me: Seriously, I need the internet…how am i supposed to do work at home?

Non:  You go to your father’s or somewhere else. I no have the internet in my home.

(silence…)

Non: How you use the computer before?

Me: What do you mean?

Non: You use the computer before in this house…how you use?

Me: The neighbors have wireless, so I just borrow them.

Non: (best line ever):  Well they dog shit in my yard…so you shit in theirs.

 

And I will end on that note. Hopefully my neighbors turn on their wireless again soon 😉

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