Day 17: ESPNon

Alright…I was honestly hoping to save this blog topic until football season was really in gear…but I truly can’t resist talking about what happened in my house this evening.

As I mentioned yesterday, Nonna is an Eagles fan.  She loves McNugget and David Akers. Basically she loves me, hence she loves my team. So today I turned on the Eagles preseason game.  Nonna sees the TV and says “Another scrimmage?!” I informed her yes this was a preseason game.  She then asks me if the stupid one is playing.  “Who is the stupid one?” I ask.  She barks in response.  I told her that he was going to play tonight.  Then she goes off on the following tangent: “Why everybody make big deal? He went to jail. Now he back. People go crazy for the stupid dog. Ees no baby.”  I just nod…I mean, how else do you respond to this?

As we continue to watch, Nonna blesses me with her commentary.  It goes as follows (seriously I took notes it was so funny): “Hey! McNugget TROW it! TROW IT!  HEY! TOUCHADOWN! (there was no touchdown) TALE! TALE! TALE! (Look, look, look) Bitch.” I’m cracking up at this point.  Then, the Eagles score a field goal.  Nonna claps and yells “Go My David!” Then asks, “what does he do if he no make it?” I ask her what she means.  She says “if he no make it, he die inside?” I just look at her for a couple seconds and then ask “what do you mean ‘die inside?'”  Nonna’s response: “he cry.”  I said, “probably on some big misses.” Nonna’s response: “Good.”

A few minutes later Nonna turns to me and says…”Joyamia (her nickname for me) if they no get the ring this year, I no watch anymore.” I agree and say “you and the rest of Philadelphia.”  She tells me, “No I serious.” I said “its ok, but McNugget will be sad.”  Nonna: “I no care about that piece of shitty thing.” She’s loyal.

The best part about watching sports with Nonna is that she thinks replays are actual plays.  So she will cheer or yell NO! at the screen (depending on the play of course) and then when they show the replay she will do the exact same thing.  And then when I tell her that its a replay she will argue with me that it is a real play.  I mean, Nonna…come on here. Nonna also hates punting. Anytime a team punts she yells “Stoooopid!” and then asks “why they kick the ball away. they dummy?” Every single time I try and explain to her the down system and the rules she stops me and tells me to not tell her because then she will get nervous.

There will surely be more of this to come…it’s only preseason!

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